I’m not very good at dealing with ‘About Me’ sections. One-liners. Describe yourself in three words. Social networking snapshots in less than 50 characters.

I’m never satisfied (how can one ever be?), because it requires condensing and distilling to the simplest essence of character. It requires the ability to distinguish between self and other, the persipacity to realize what is most significant and striking about yourself. Nobody puts down “human” because that’s obvious enough, and nobody puts down the ordinary, like “I go to school on most days”, unless the ordinary is made exceptional. It’s about what makes you you.

I love reading what people come up with. I love it when people are self-aware and are opinionated, weird and confident. “I’m obsessed with cats and fishfingers”. “I have a penchant for grainy, black and white movies. And a thing for aristocracy (like Lorde).” I love it when people are like “I say what I want and do what I want” or when people are like “I care too much about people”. I love it when people have favourite quotes, movies, books and music. I don’t even have to agree with them- but it means that they’re not passive people. They are impacted by things, they feel things with depth and by consequence know what they like and don’t like.

I am envious of them, because I on the other hand, am so indecisive. I’m not certain about many things when it comes to describing myself. I dislike not knowing how I feel, or worse, feeling indifferent. Usually, I make references to food because that’s what I’m most comfortable with, for instance, my twitter one-liner goes: ‘fro-yo gives me dopamine surges’, which aptly describes my feelings towards froyo (it makes me abnormally happy) whilst very subtley hinting at my interest in neuropsychology (dopamine and pleasure and all that). It’s neither too serious nor completely useless. I’m always munching on something but I cannot go as far as to say that I’m a foodie. I like cooking but not that much. I love food but I don’t know that much about it. I don’t have an all-consuming passion, like being really into health and running and sports (even though I do like running), I don’t wake up every day excited to write a song and spend hours of my day researching top hits, releases and music history (even though I do love music and songwriting- albeit not very often these days), and I don’t throw myself into the blogging sphere by blogging many posts a day (it only happens sometimes) and staying up until 3am each night reblogging things on tumblr (not anymore). It’s so hard to characterize myself as a kind of person in particular. So ‘about me’ sections make me anxious.

I am a self-proclaimed romantic. That is one thing I can say for certain. I like to romanticize things and I like people who do that too. Glossing over the good bits, glorifying the ordinary. I forget the guys’ name but there was an artist that focused much of his work on sidewalk weeds and I found that a very captivating concept. Elevating and showing the beauty of the overlooked. Otherwise, the only thing I can be sure of is the fact that 1) I’m not good at ball games and 2) I’m not good at maths.

But why am I even concerned with trying to fit myself into some category? It’s just this annoying thing we have ingrained in us isn’t it? The need to classify and clarify? On one hand it can help us identify who we are, how to behave, and be more comfortable with our place in the world, on the other hand, we’re limiting and restricting ourselves. By saying for years “I’m not a maths sort of person”, I’ve internalized it. And that is what I think of myself. I’m alluding to the labeling theory here (yay psychology lol).

So… I don’t know what sort of conclusion I’m coming to. I don’t know. I’m a confused individual.


First week of senior year

Other than getting sick… I’ll try and condense my week:

  1. I was in my maths lesson pretending to do maths, watching the trailer for Kick Ass 2. I have yet to watch Kick Ass 1.
  2. I was thankful for what usually would be deemed as agonizingly long hours in school. That is what a week of tests does to you.
  3. I was reminded of how I always absentmindedly wonder off into another direction whilst talking to people. ALWAYS! My feet can’t help themselves.
  4. I chose to do a yoga lesson at school, thinking it might be fun. But no. I could’ve have fallen asleep doing the Child’s pose and I believe the Downward Dog screwed up my foot.
  5. Google helped me with self-diagnosis: I either have a stress fracture or an issue with nerve entrapment. :l
  6. I went to a cheerleading audition. Apparently, the ability to twerk = automatic acceptance into the cheerleading team. What. Half-white girls cannot twerk. The sooner I accept it, the better. Also, my foot got worse.
  7. Note to self: do not expect to get a table on a Friday night at Dan Ryans or Pizza express or any other restaurant for that matter.
  8. HOWEVER I was lucky and ended up eating quesadillas after half an hour.
  9. I can still hang upside down on monkey bars- an old trick that used to leave me struggling to come back down.
  10. I got myself a helium balloon from Dan Ryans and it made my day. My friend burst his. HA
  11. The weather here is so unpredictable! I was at the park by the mall and was suddenly pelted by heavy rain; the sky just gave up.  I usually like rain, the sound of it against the pavement or against the window, the feel of it, the way it sometimes drops so mercilessly that the world is veiled by a wall of diagnoal lines. Too bad I had already taken a shower and couldn’t really enjoy it.
  12. I slid down the railings of stairs and reminesced about childhood and about how much it hurt sometimes to slide down the other way.
  13. My friend wouldn’t let me pay for dinner. The note passed across the table back and forth, back and forth. So I sneakily slipped it into his pocket.
  14. I also had a Caramel Macchiato.
  15. I woke up at two on Saturday and barely did anything except watch the most recent episode of Suits (love) and finish Summer Break. It frustrates me how reality shows are scripted. I mean, why can’t they just change the genre and put it under another category? Such lies! Such beautiful lies… I’m enraptured by fake romance.
  16. Today, I went to church, Amaronies, and Page One. Revised for psych with Kwix!

I will be reading ‘Complete Short Fiction’ by Oscar Wilde, ’50 Psychology Classics’ by Tom Butler-Bowdon, ‘The Great Enigma’ by Tomas Transtromer and ‘The Mind Gym’ by Gary Mack shortly.

That would be all! Unfortunately not as exciting or as detailed as I had hoped.
From Sobe to Sobe to remember xx

Little musings

not my picture just saying.
not my picture just saying.

This is also a place for little musings and thought-doodles.

1. Please get into a comfortable position.
2. Pour yourself a cup of your favourite drink (or whatever’s available).
3. Read if you care to know what sort of things come across my mind. If not, you’re at least sitting comfortably and have something to drink.

So, my first move was to christen this site ‘littlemusings’ but that was taken, along with 99 other web addresses I thought to create. It just goes to show how hard it is to be original when the internet has been around for this long. This led me to think about the many web addresses already taken, wondering how many are ‘left’ before people have no choice but to make up new words or create inappropriately long site addresses. I worry for any potential or future bloggers. If I had struggled to come up with ‘forhazydays’, good luck to them! It’ll be a whole new level of difficulty in another 50 years. But then again, by that time, people would have probably migrated and moved on from this site to another, as people now have done with xanga (where I used to post the most embarrassing tween-angst posts).

It’s kind of like my worry about phone numbers. What if there aren’t enough 8-number combinations for people in one place? Or are the possibilities too great a number for such a worry? Maths is not my thing… Too much cognitive effort (yes, just casually inserting that psychological terminology, thanks to Daniel Kahneman).

And where do web pages go when we die? Are they automatically deleted after a thousand years of existence? Terminated and obsolete after a set amount of time? Or will tumblr pages and other little musings on the internet be found as markers of the people that existed to write them? Just think of the billions of little corners occupied by people in the vast expanse of the internet and the overwhelming, unfathomable accumulation of stuff! Think of all the little planets and their people-shaped imprints in this boundless, infinite space. And think how many of them will be forgotten or remain undiscovered, hidden amongst old things, burried under the new.

I am in awe of technology and I agree with my grandmother. It’s like. Magic. But not. I would be forever grateful if someday someone could explain to me how it all works in a language I can understand. I’m just too lazy to get into computer science and I can live with curiosity.

& Daniel Kahneman is such a cool nerd.
Also, I love the blog name: thedoughwillriseagain (FOOD BLOG. GENIUS! #suave #sosmoothsowitty #wishiwereyou)
OH and school was ok thanks for asking.

Sobe xx