Pine needles adorned with pearls of rain, forest green, thick milky skies.
I hear melodies in the hum of appliances. Cymbals in rattling pipes, scales in soaring airplanes.
Auburn leaves gently sweeping through the air in slow motion. Like the littlest petals. Bon Iver, maybe Bootstraps cooing. I am watching something unfold: a God-given moment.
“I love music that makes you look up at the sky”.
I think I have a mild case of this condition. I’m not even joking. It’s literally the ‘hatred of sound’, and recently, I’ve been making a mental note of all these different sounds that not just irritate me but make me want to strangle something. On certain days I’m so enraged that the only way to stop myself from overturning a table, shouting and punching someone in the face is to remove myself from the scene, slam the door and sit in a corner with my fingers pressed against my ear drums. I do this until I calm down and am no longer a danger to the public (my family).
These are some of the sounds that drive me crazy:
1) Continuous burping. Please leave the house.
2) Quiet whispering like the kind you hear at the back of a classroom.
3) Pencil scratching on paper or the sound of pen points hitting the desk when there aren’t enough papers underneath to absorb the sound. Naturally, people don’t know that I have a problem with their writing habits. It’s worse during a test.
4) Loud chewing. Soft chewing with a mouth that opens every so often. Smacking lips, slurping, grinding, gulping. Sounds of mastication. If it lasts more than a minute or if I don’t have food myself (somehow it’s better if I join in), I start to get angry. It’s not just an oh it’s so annoying sort of thing; I feel a visceral, boiling anger rise from my chest. I imagine violent scenarios. And then I have to leave the room.
5) Breathing. I don’t get mad when people breathe around me (I’d have killed myself by now), but when people are sick and take laboured breaths/ wheeze, asldfjalsdjfasdf
6) The scrape of a spoon to get the last bits of food in a polystyrene cup, the repetitive clinking of chopsticks against a bowl – it’s all incredibly frustrating.
7) Repetitive sound of fingers or toes rubbing together. I will most certainly not cuddle with you if you flick your toes.
On good days, I can tolerate these sounds to a certain extent. If someone knows these sounds piss me off and starts to say, chew gum obnoxiously, I can handle it. I think.
It’s funny how I’m starting to notice that movements annoy me too. During the SAT exam, I saw a foot swinging out of the corner of my eye and I couldn’t concentrate. I saw fingers drumming and I had to turn away to ignore the annoying stimulus. Weird. At the moment these repetitive movements don’t evoke in me some aggressive impulse. And I hope it doesn’t develop.