Open your mind

Don’t tell me that I’m a book that you haven’t yet read. Don’t talk to me as if you’re trying to get under my skin, manipulative in you words, attempting to predict my behaviour and thoughts. Don’t make known your impressions as if you are right because you know nothing from talking to me intermittently for the summation of less than half an hour and being around me (if we count our physical proximity) for another three hours when I’m not even in the right state of mind. My quiet moments don’t make me a Quiet Person, just as my tendency to talk and sing doesn’t make make me an Entertainer. I am both, I am neither, I am many things. It’s a shame you crave control (we all do to a certain extent) and can never see the bigger picture; you see people confined to the lines you have drawn.

You’re right, you haven’t figured me out yet. I wonder if you ever will- I surprise even myself.

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Classification

I’m not very good at dealing with ‘About Me’ sections. One-liners. Describe yourself in three words. Social networking snapshots in less than 50 characters.

I’m never satisfied (how can one ever be?), because it requires condensing and distilling to the simplest essence of character. It requires the ability to distinguish between self and other, the persipacity to realize what is most significant and striking about yourself. Nobody puts down “human” because that’s obvious enough, and nobody puts down the ordinary, like “I go to school on most days”, unless the ordinary is made exceptional. It’s about what makes you you.

I love reading what people come up with. I love it when people are self-aware and are opinionated, weird and confident. “I’m obsessed with cats and fishfingers”. “I have a penchant for grainy, black and white movies. And a thing for aristocracy (like Lorde).” I love it when people are like “I say what I want and do what I want” or when people are like “I care too much about people”. I love it when people have favourite quotes, movies, books and music. I don’t even have to agree with them- but it means that they’re not passive people. They are impacted by things, they feel things with depth and by consequence know what they like and don’t like.

I am envious of them, because I on the other hand, am so indecisive. I’m not certain about many things when it comes to describing myself. I dislike not knowing how I feel, or worse, feeling indifferent. Usually, I make references to food because that’s what I’m most comfortable with, for instance, my twitter one-liner goes: ‘fro-yo gives me dopamine surges’, which aptly describes my feelings towards froyo (it makes me abnormally happy) whilst very subtley hinting at my interest in neuropsychology (dopamine and pleasure and all that). It’s neither too serious nor completely useless. I’m always munching on something but I cannot go as far as to say that I’m a foodie. I like cooking but not that much. I love food but I don’t know that much about it. I don’t have an all-consuming passion, like being really into health and running and sports (even though I do like running), I don’t wake up every day excited to write a song and spend hours of my day researching top hits, releases and music history (even though I do love music and songwriting- albeit not very often these days), and I don’t throw myself into the blogging sphere by blogging many posts a day (it only happens sometimes) and staying up until 3am each night reblogging things on tumblr (not anymore). It’s so hard to characterize myself as a kind of person in particular. So ‘about me’ sections make me anxious.

I am a self-proclaimed romantic. That is one thing I can say for certain. I like to romanticize things and I like people who do that too. Glossing over the good bits, glorifying the ordinary. I forget the guys’ name but there was an artist that focused much of his work on sidewalk weeds and I found that a very captivating concept. Elevating and showing the beauty of the overlooked. Otherwise, the only thing I can be sure of is the fact that 1) I’m not good at ball games and 2) I’m not good at maths.

But why am I even concerned with trying to fit myself into some category? It’s just this annoying thing we have ingrained in us isn’t it? The need to classify and clarify? On one hand it can help us identify who we are, how to behave, and be more comfortable with our place in the world, on the other hand, we’re limiting and restricting ourselves. By saying for years “I’m not a maths sort of person”, I’ve internalized it. And that is what I think of myself. I’m alluding to the labeling theory here (yay psychology lol).

So… I don’t know what sort of conclusion I’m coming to. I don’t know. I’m a confused individual.