sunday

for days now i’ve woken up feeling like grounded glass. i cannot lift my eyes forward because i carry the residue of yesterday. peanut butter out of the jar, into my belly and into the air. i feel like i am wading in it.

frustration. what does it feel like in this body? like heat rising under a lidded pot, like thrashing through a million hangers– why do i have so many  fucking clothes! that I don’t even like! All of them are roadblocks i have built and i am so angry with myself. a tower of terror, this sense of failure. it’s a stifled cry, out through the nose… i’m suffocating because i know better than to wallow.

Jesus, will your victory be mine today. Hurry, do not delay.

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2 thoughts on “sunday”

  1. I can hardly believe this poem; if I found it in a book at the library, I would borrow the book with tears in my eyes; if I found it in a store, I would buy the book and tell the seller about it; now that I’ve found it on the internet, I feel so lucky and so proud of a person I don’t know and about her voice having grown to THIS over the years. I can hardly believe it. Please keep on sharing!

    1. I have been meaning to reply to you but I’ve just been so busy – I wanted to take the time to best express what I felt upon reading your comment, which has been buzzing in the back of my mind. I am dumbfounded!!! I find myself still shaking my head. I feel so honoured in my person, in my story. Because to me, this was a bit of a journal entry- could it be a poem? Thank you for showing me that every emotion -even the painful ones- can be embraced because they are TRUE. Your reading, your eyes, have transformed my darkest moments into something of beauty. I have had my fair share of peanut butter binges, a scuffle with depression. Thank you with the deepest gratitude – you brought tears to my eyes.

      And Les Instants Radieux… I live for them. Your drawings tug at my heart, your gentle phrases and proclamations of love in pictures, words, and pixels. For the moon! the leaves! music! Your grandma… I didn’t think anybody could understand just how much I love my own…
      How I wish I could meet you, my friend, my kindred spirit!

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