I used to use cutesie names like ‘peenee’ for the ghastly penis. I’d put up a disclaimer before admitting to anyone that I was a horny teen- like dude, this is so embarrassing but I can’t stop thinking about the peen. But hey, I’m happy to speak of such things in the past tense; I’ve learned a couple things.
I’ve always admired the way people owned their words and spoke about sex and masturbation without any hint of discomfort. Because it meant that they accepted a part of themselves that I couldn’t. It was a confusing time; though I cringed upon hearing about sexcapades, I was drawn to these raconteurs. I wanted to know- it was our common obsession- but I’d feel a little suffocation in my chest, a stab of jealousy even. Why does she talk about getting off as if she were talking about walking a dog? How dare she? And why can’t I be like her? I didn’t want anyone to be okay with sex as long as I wasn’t.
Two years in college has changed that for me, because I’ve realised that the worst thing I can do to myself is deny a part of my nature to the rest of the world. I’ve met so many people who have had similar experiences: early curiosity and sexual discoveries coupled with the corrupting influence of crude friends in elementary school. I know I’m not alone in my bouts of extreme horniness or in my ever-present appetite. A part of me used to think it was abnormal, that I and those who spoke openly about it were deviantly sexual… but not only is this simply untrue, it can be incredibly damaging. It helps to know that statistically speaking, it’s so normal I could cry for every time I cried out of self-disgust. Horny ladies out there, I am with you. It seems that everyone denies ever having watched porn or having wondered about girls, but I promise it’s more common than you would ever have thought.
It’s a bummer that so much shame and guilt comes from misunderstanding sexual desire and its God-given purpose. I am thankful to have met Christian women who are honest with their struggles! Thank God for making us relational beings, for intimacy, pleasure and love. Sex shouldn’t be a taboo, a non-Christian thing, a topic visited only after marriage. We are doing girls a disservice by making them deal with the issue of sex alone, in private, under a veil of secrecy. It surprises me to look through the Old Testament and see how sex was once a family matter. The whole town celebrated the marriage consummation! It wasn’t embarrassing, it was a fact of life. Although I would ABSOLUTELY HATE to have my parents wait outside the door to check my sheets after the honeymoon bang, can we please bring back an attitude of openness towards sex? Strip (haha) ourselves of shame and have a conversation?
Let’s be honest with ourselves and those we love.