Curiosity killed the cat

I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. Guilty maybe. I’ve seen what I can’t unsee and I’m sorry because this is exactly what you were afraid of. I just started shaking, crying- the caffeine caught up. It never occurred to me that you noticed so much, like how on some days we’re together as a family should be and how on others, there’s a sadness for lost time, the many conversations we could have had. You are a sensitive person with so many thoughts I wish you’d share. Little daily treasures. Never once did you let on how you felt. That you love so fiercely. That you were doing your penance. That you are truly a man of God. 

And I’m shocked to the core that there’s so much you hid from us for our own good. You shut up so much of yourself and all we saw was a soft kind of perfection. If I could let you know one thing: I forgive you. You are the best father anyone could ask for and nothing you do will ever shake my confidence in you. We’re all human after all; I wish I could confide in you about my imperfections. Oh, how I struggle too.


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