Abstinence is harder than doing something in moderation. See, the very fact that you have tried something means you have given into tempting possibilities. You want to know what it’d be like, even if it could go wrong. You hope that you’re the exception, that you can handle whatever it is you choose. “I’d never be the sort of girl to…”, “I’m not like that…”, “I’d never try that”. You say those things until you are that sort of girl, until you are like that, until you have tried it. Then, you realize that you have the possibility of becoming any person you might have once despised or sworn you’ve never be. “You’ll never understand until you experience it” becomes the defense for anyone who doesn’t get it (yet).
There’s a possibility, no matter how small, that this could turn out well. I’ll make it happen, I’ll change his mind. Sure I’ll try heroin because I can handle my pot/ Buzzfeed has announced that I don’t have an addictive personality. Hello, this hope destroys us! We never learn when people tell us first hand the important lessons like: he will never change for anyone. Why couldn’t we have listened? Why did we go through with it when we were so solemnly warned? I tend to retort: whatever, at least I learnt from the experience. But it’s almost as if we honour and value our experience more than we do others’. Like, why is it that commonplace events or similar situations experienced by the people closest to us do not apply to us? I’m probably luckier than they are, I’ll handle it better than they did. Is this egotistical or is this totally normal and healthy? Or is this just a normal bias that hinders more than it helps?
Granted, every person is different, every situation is different and I can only know what I know. But we can avoid a whole lot of pain and stupidity if we could just view the experience of others’ on the same horizon as our own. Better to fail from a well informed decision than from plunging head first without any true consideration of others’ experiences and advice. It’s not spontaneous, it’s flat out S T U P I D. “Follow your heart” is about the worst advice I’ve ever heard. Unless you’re Oprah. Good post on Oprah-read it.