Oh WordPress how I’ve missed you! I miss the mindless scrolling through my feed, previewing thought-catalog posts, surveying the newest variations in stories of love and love lost. But I miss the catalogue of lives the most: passing thoughts, poetic one-liners, moments of self-discovery. I also enjoy ironic posts: the writer sets up a journey that ends where it begins. Round-about narratives are kind of sad and funny at the same time.
Since I’ve been gone, I’ve found two silver strands sprouting from my head. I’m twenty and ageing fast. Don’t ask me how I am, because that’s boring and unoriginal. Atop of that, I’m burdened with the responsibility of being selective in my answer, honest, creative even. That’s a loaded question. It’s the opener to the brief conversation in line for coffee, or when I see a friend I’ve been meaning to text but haven’t gotten round to. If you really want to know, let’s be serious and do it well.
I’ve been all sorts of good, fine, okay. Each day has it’s peaks and troughs. Some days, I see beauty everywhere: the golden glow of the five-o-clock sun (my favourite time of day here), people laying out on the grass, crooning mothers, reflective windows, Professor Lee’s patience. Other days I waste away feeling like a shell of a person. Perhaps I was coasting before I bumped into you. Perhaps the gym and shower have taken their turns to ruin and revive me. Perhaps today I have no strong feelings about anything to report, which I think is sad. I still don’t have a plan for my next few years in college… or the rest of my life and sometimes I’m okay with that. Maybe you’ve caught me on days when I’m not. Worst of all, I probably haven’t thought about how I generally feel; there are too many things to consider.
I almost don’t remember how the year began; every month marks a transition, every season its own personality. Stories within stories within stories. It’s worse that the school year is misaligned with the calendar year. But let’s not rehash the details right now. I’m more excited about what’s to come: Beats by Dr. Dre. I’m motivated to make music again! I’m going to write again! I’m going to read during the Spring Break and I’m going to spend time doing the things that make me excited to be alive- things that make me want to learn and seek out the world.