College beginnings

I’m social then I’m not. I initiate a dinner date with the rest of the floor but decide to go to Target instead. And now the lounge is full of people and laughter echoes down the hallway. My room is a little too quiet. I’m deciding whether or not to go. Should I do something brave and embarrassing and make my way into the room? Or sit in this chair and start editing my clips? Clips.

***

We’ll exchange names and handshakes. You and I both know that we’ll most probably never speak again.

***

My room-mate’s Pop-Tarts look delicious. I want one now. Even though she had said that I should feel free to eat her junk, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I take a little. Then I text her to see if it’s okay. She reassures me that I don’t need to ask. I should’ve just asked first.

***

The party now study later mentality? No. You sound like an idiot. Just go with the flow? When people insist that this is the way to live, I take a moment to mourn the brain cells that will never recover.

***

I feel incompetent. I would not be able to cook my own food at this rate, thank God for dining halls. I have only gotten my textbooks- I’m late on readings. I can’t fit in the gym. I can’t keep in touch with all my friends. I can’t edit my videos and sing and compose. I can’t blog. I’m not even doing very much but the days seem too short.

***

It feels like I’ve only been here for a week. But it’s almost been a month. I still can’t find my way around and I’m late to my classes… Not giving off the best first five impressions.

***

So I ditched an audition midway through to go see a movie. I lied about why I had to go. Why? Because #priorities. It seems ridiculous to want to see a movie that badly. But that’s not it. I made plans to see the movie first and then the audition time conflicted. I had to make a choice and I chose the commitment I made first! I said I would try and do that- to see my plans through to completion.

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