Why a God who makes it impossible to be good? I am inclined to sin. It’s just easier to be self-serving, easier to do what feels good and lie in order to continue. This culture is certainly hedonistic. Pleasure, indulgence, do whatever feels right, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone or yourself in the process. But what if you’re hurting yourself without realizing it?
There was that time I thought that maybe death would take me. I thought: I will lie here and wait. I wanted to accept death but I could’t help but fight it. My body wants to survive. I want to live. But I knew that the ultimate goal was to conquer myself. I wanted to embrace death; non-existence. And it became clear to me that in being, I’m constantly fighting myself. I’m battling my humanness, the temptation I am swimming in. Drowning in. The denial of self is a virtue. This is why I need saving. If being good was easy, I would need no saviour. I would not be humble. In my pride I would need no God- I’d be the devil, because pure, godly perfection is unattainable.
God, save me from myself.