Connecting the dots

Inspiration and motivation strike at the most inopportune times. Or perhaps it is the urgency posed by deadlines that gives birth to motivation. Now I’m in LA with little time to spare before University so here I go.
Before I left Hong Kong, I had so much to say. Even so, I did not transfer my writing to this blog and have been busy just living and eating vegetables. Oh, yeah, that is a recent development- I’m a pescatarian now. It was a health conscious decision, a challenge with regards to self control, and a question of what I was willing to sacrifice. I guess I’m too selfish to monitor my protein intake with care so I eat fish. I tell myself it’s okay because fish memories suck so it’s not like I’m eating dogs or intelligent creatures. But I can’t deny that I am selfish and well, cruel too. I am however starting to think about cutting dairy as well, what with all the cases of animal cruelty. I never allowed myself to watch the videos on animal farming because I knew that once I did, I’d never be able to eat meat again and I love/d meat. I didn’t actually have to watch one of those to make up my mind; I just watched one of Tim Schieff’s videos on veganism. For so long I’ve been detached from the reality that these animals go through, since I never see it for myself. Someone far away does the slaughtering and I am presented with cooked barbecue wings, disconnected from the rest of the chicken. Why should a conscious, intelligent animal be killed- and usually in a barbaric way- for a meal that tastes good for the fleeting moments it is in my mouth? So that’s that. Turns out meat is much easier to give up than I thought. I don’t miss it… I just resent the lack of variety. But then again, that’s because I’m not searching for the good stuff, and from what I’ve heard, LA is the perfect place for such diet changes.

Just before I left, I was confronted with a problem: I no longer needed people the way I once did and it made me feel guilty. I was reading for a fresh start and that scared me. But I decided that this is what people mean by growing up. I reconciled my feelings by realizing that although I may not need people, it doesn’t mean I love them any less. The charge of emotion when you think you NEED someone makes you think you love them more, but love, as I have said a thousand times, is a choice. People are a lovely addition to life. Maybe some people need me more than I need them, and that’s okay. Why do they have to be a necessity? They don’t. When someone needs you, you carry responsibility. You need to prioritise. There have been moments when I didn’t want to give, but working relationships require sacrifice. I admire givers- givers that don’t ask for anything in return, so I will strive to be one. Whether you love me or need me, I will respond with love and choose to give and give and give, as long as my morals remain intact.

It’s crazy to think how close I am to University orientation- just two days. University was the dream! I still remember sitting in english class, before the GCSE exams, deadlines, late night scrabbling, IB exams, prom, graduation and all the filler days, when J and I shared how we envisioned it. All we had to look forward to was what we were going to have for lunch that day and what clothes we would wear on our next night out. But we did imagine. How great it would be to finally be done with high school, to dive into the college experience, sleep in and wake up whenever to go to class. Meet the cute boy on the first day of school, walking into the lecture hall. Down a cup of coffee every morning to wake heavy eyelids.
It was always there, some way far off. But the dewy days of summer evaporated rapidly… And now it’s here. The plane descended and the pilot welcomed us all to LAX. When the future comes, it’s hard to recapture what you once thought it’d be like, and the feeling is hard to describe.

I’ve been living past the suburbs, in a neighbourhood comprised of multiple Wisteria Lanes and picture perfect houses. Green yards, pebbles on the walkway. The malls are massive and the whole foods section gives me a selection of at least five different hummus. I was surprised to find that there aren’t many fat people here. Obesity is overstated, it seems… in California. Montage of LA so far:


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