I’m not sorry for thinking this way. Respect is a given, but trust is earned. I’m not going to outrightly question your every motive, but I’m not going to be naive and believe what sounds genuine and what simply feels right and lovely. Does that make me bitter and cynical? Maybe, but it says something when we make a big deal out of altruistic, touching acts we read on the news or when a stranger unexpectedly gives us extra dollars when we’re short for the bus fare. “This gives me faith in humanity” points to the fact that humanity often sucks. Why do I assume the worst? Because I’ve learnt that trusting anyone is dangerous- you’re giving them the power to hurt you when they could give two shits about you. It’s like leaving your door unlocked, hoping that most strangers are good people who won’t touch your life savings stashed in the kitchen drawer. Nobody leaves their door unlocked when they have their life savings stashed in the kitchen drawer. Because most people aren’t that good and I’m not willing to risk it. Am I closing myself off and building an impenetrable wall for myself? No. I am still open to the idea of you, the possibility of getting to know you. But I will be a little guarded, because the benefit of the doubt always proves me wrong.
People are mercurial. Feelings change. It may have been cute of me to have once been so trusting, but I was also a fool, who could’ve done without unnecessary pain. We all want to believe that we’re a special case- that our first impressions are accurate and that we can find our soulmate, our love at first sight. In a perfect world, words, intentions and actions would all align. Trust would be given freely; what you see is what you get. But reality sucks! More often than not, we’re wrong. Very rarely are the ideas we have in our heads and the words we are fed the truth.
And that’s where time play’s its part within relationships to mature and ground the emotions, the feelings that are susceptible to change. The more in touch with reality you are, the more you can TRULY love. And those people who stick around are the ones who have proven to you that they are the real deal.
Every once in a blue moon, you will be surprised by how great someone can be. It’ll surpass your expectations and it will be a pleasant surprise- one that I’d take over the regret of putting my trust in the wrong place.