The night before

So I’m not quite sure what to do now at 10:17 pm with my first exam approximately 10.5 hours away. I’ll have to wake up at 7:15, scoff down a banana and some sort of Nature Valley bar. Standard. I feel like I’m at the top of a roller coaster. Like, I can hear the tick of the mechanics as I’m carried forward, at odds with gravity, back against the seat with no visible track before me. I’m now anticipating the plunge. It’ll be an exhilirating week with one exam a day. 75% dread and 25% anticipation. But I’ve done this before- it’ll be okay.

You can’t really revise for an Unseen English Literature paper. You either get the text or you don’t. If you completely misread, you’re out. For the mock, I breezed through the 2 hours, enjoying the commentary as I wrote it. I connected with the beautiful poem ‘Soap Suds’ by Louis Macneice and it’s exploration of the power of memory (just the sort of the thing I’m enraptured by) and felt satisifed when I left the hall. Hopefully I won’t be lost between words and wondering how to make something out of nothing.

On another note, I suddenly remembered a word that I learnt when studying for the SATs. I remember it as meaning distress caused by guilt.

Google says:

a feeling of guilt or moral scruple that prevents or follows the doing of something bad.

How apt, how felicitous to describe how I feel sometimes. Guilt is my motivation for many things.

I should go. I’m getting too many mosquito bites.

To remember.


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