Not again

The first time, realization struck. Hard. I mourned the loss of a (im)possible future. The one thought that clouded all others was, as you put it, “I guess we’re free to do whatever”. You couldn’t be vague enough or further away when I stared at your face on the screen. So flat. So out of reach. A shoddy settlement not half as good as the real thing. I imagined you with someone else, someone I could not be and that in itself was crushing.

The second time, I resented technology for prolonging goodbyes and for carrying no hint of knitted brows (it’s not easy for me) nor the gentleness I intended. I hurt for the never-agains and the never-could-bes. And my heart breaks for you, darling.

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2 thoughts on “Not again

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