Blunders

I cannot and will not tell my parents that I’ve lost my NOKIA! Because losing a prehistoric brick makes me the most irresponsible, unqualified person to carry any electronic device. And I’ve already lost my fair share of phones. Unfuckingbelievable. I don’t know if I should laugh at the sad hilarity of the situation or hang my head in shame and disappointment for the next few months. I think I’m going to work, and hopefully earn enough money to buy myself a phone before I leave Hong Kong.

When adults cry it’s like seeing a teacher out of school or a shark washed up on a shore. What to do? What do I say? A feeble, useless “are you okay?”. The answer is obvious enough but it comes out like word vomit. “I hope you feel better”. Because there’s nothing I mean more. I’m so utterly powerless.

I’m on the floor and I’m begging You to show me mercy. Forgive me. And she comes beside me and shows me love with her arms wrapped around me.

I woke up today feeling like I wanted to bury myself in a hole. Shroud myself in deep darkness and be hugged by a small space. I didn’t want to move and I didn’t want to leave the comfort of the sheets. Mostly, I wanted to disappear. Guilt does that.

To keep my emotions somewhat balanced, I received an offer from UCLA. I was expecting to feel the plunge of disappointment but was instead met with a jolt of joy. My future is set. Thank You God.

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