Who even cares

I’m not the kind of person to say “that was a difficult test” as a safety net to protect my ego just in case I don’t do well; I mean it just as much as the next person complaining.
I hate it when people say “oh, stop, you’re going to do so well. I bet you’re going to ace it,” and then proceed to roll their eyes at me. No. It may have come from a place of good faith but all it does is put pressure on me, making disappointment that much shittier because I feel extra embarrassment from knowing that I had surprised people by my incompetence.

I really shouldn’t care what people think of me.

This situation reminds me of what my English teacher once said. It went something along the lines of: true confidence is when neither flattery and praise nor rude comments and insults make a difference to how you feel. If you were truly happy with yourself, it wouldn’t matter either way because you know what you’re worth.

He fleshed it out in two scenarios. Say, you walk by a group of people and they are saying things about you that you’d never want to hear. They’re tearing you to pieces and picking out your every flaw. How would you feel? Bothered? Severely hurt? Or say, you walk by a group of people and they speak about you as if you are the best thing on the planet. How would you feel? Extremely happy? Pleased with yourself? Flattered? Do you feel the peaks and troughs based on what others think?

Just goes to show how fickle we humans are. I can’t imagine not being the slightest bit affected.


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